Writing on the Fly #6: Silent Promise (A Tritina)
YeahWrite.Me has a new post on the trinita. Another poem style I have never heard of or done. I decided to use one of the word groups provided.
From the first breath silent
and gasping, a promise
made an echo drop.
A tick-tocking time’s drop.
The minute moments ever moving silent
to years pressing promise.
Forever running from the promise
with a sprint, a dodge, then the beats drop
and the heart trembles silent.
Death returns silent — to collect life’s promise — with a breath’s last drop.
12 comments on “Writing on the Fly #6: Silent Promise (A Tritina)”
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Aspiring writer, wife, mother of two, owner two cats. Teacher, lover of science, books, science fiction, fantasy, and video games.
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Laissez Faire 
I think you did a great job. I’ve never tried one but I may have to give it a go!
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Thank you 🙂 I still feel like something is missing from it.
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Beautiful…!
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Thanks!
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I love how your word choice changes the cadence throughout the poem.
I found the tritina to be challenging. I think you did a fantastic job.
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Thank you! I tried to make it sound…right…with small adjustments. Punctuation seems extra important, too. I am glad you noticed:)
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Well done! The tritina is much harder than it seems like it should be.
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I can imagine how hard it would be if it had a specific meter !
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I like how you compacted an entire life into 4 stanzas. It took me a bit to relate “the beats drop” to the heart in the next line. That phrase has really strong music connotations for me, apparently. But the death you describe in that stanza is fragile and elegant.
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Thank you! My intial eraction to beat is the heart…I am a science lover…biology in particular. But I am glad that you noticed the connection I tried to make with heart and the beat/music of life.
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Oh, I also chose tremble because it is so close in sound to treble!
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Reblogged this on wheremabelgo and commented:
Life and death come together. From ashes we rise, to the dust we go.
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