Laissez Faire

Letting Life Lead

Yeah Write #136: Another Me (#amwriting #flashfiction )

Good Afternoon, this is Casey at WRIC in the morning.
I’ve got something unusual for you today rather than
our usual Q and A. My boss is giving me the side eye.
Hey, Jack, how you doin’? I might get fired after signing
off but– Oh, I gave him a thumbs up and he’s scowling
at me. I will placate him with Thin Mints later. I’ve this
letter, I’d like to read to you written by a good friend of
mine to the men in her life.

I thought I saw that red logo last week. You know the one for the job I applied for. What was it doing on your laptop, I wondered. I wouldn’t have payed it any mind, except when I walked by you asked me if I needed any help. Since when in all our years together have you offered to do anything with the laundry except make the pile bigger?  I’m not a professional snoop so I sought the services of Geek Squad. Not sure how it happened that I have a pair of shoes older than the genius young lady behind the counter. It was no trouble she said. I had the documentation, you see? I keep everything about the electronics — never know when you’ll need to cash in that repair warranty.  Even then, I tried to talk myself out of it. Once you know at thing you can’t unknow it.

Damn thing stared right at me. You wrote a no “thank you” and sent it off. You turned down a job I wanted and didn’t expect to get on my behalf and allowed me to wallow in my self-assurances that I didn’t have hope of getting it anyway.  And all this before you shamed me for admitting to you about having conflicted feelings about my friend, Ben, as if my confession of passing thought was admission to an — I don’t know. Happy thoughts?

When our son was little I used to take him up to the fancy park at the Four Points, that posh neighborhood. He used to let me hug him every day and smother him with kisses. He’s too busy these days dealing with his hormones and sneakers. Pity he’s turned into a snot. That’s partly my fault though by surrounding myself with apathy, I drowned my son in it. Who am I other than the maid-of-all-things. Does he know anything about me? I am not sure I remember much about me.  I only wanted to go someplace where I Iast felt good.

I met Ben one of those days, just two people trying not to look like kidnappers while feeding pigeons popcorn and stale bread. Just talk. It was nice to be remembered, to have someone pick up a conversation where we left off, to share something new, and to smile when I waved hello. When he asked me what I missed most about being young, I said, “Playing pinball.” He invited me to play in the afternoon and I enjoyed myself. Sue me. Our hands brushed. I felt guilty. Seems stupid now. But I confessed and you broke me.

Until I saw what you’d done.

And for what? You don’t love me but can’t stand for me to have anything other than you? Not going to fight you about the house. You can handle a seventeen year old boy, I’m sure. He can’t hate me much more, but maybe he’ll come around. I hope there’s still time. I’ve found a nice small place where what I do stays done and I can figure out where I went. Maybe I’ll fail, but at least I’ll have found the other me.

 

 

 

 


 

14 comments on “Yeah Write #136: Another Me (#amwriting #flashfiction )

  1. unfoldingfromthefog
    February 6, 2020

    Your MC’s voice is very clear. I’m glad she got away, but I worry about her son, (even though he’s fictional. 🙂) I think the “letter” could stand on its own. I wondered about the radio show host at the beginning. Is that also the MC? Was that the job she wanted?

    Like

    • Laissez Faire
      February 6, 2020

      Originally it had been her actual job and she read the letter, but I wanted a reason for the last straw to be something other than her spouse cheating. I had an hour to write, so I had to start somewhere to get it going. I ran out of time to refine things 😦 It wasn’t exactly how I envisioned it. I had a resolution for the son, too.

      Liked by 1 person

      • unfoldingfromthefog
        February 6, 2020

        Really I thought the body of it was pretty tight. I love the idea of her being able to air her grievances over the air though, so it might be worth revising. I also liked that you found a different reason than cheating to search the phone.

        Like

      • Laissez Faire
        February 6, 2020

        (((((hug))))) Thanks. I’ll have to explore this one based on what everyone has said.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Kim Witbeck
    February 6, 2020

    Hello! I liked how you showed us the MC’s anger and betrayal, somehow the guilt about meeting Ben followed by ‘I felt guilty until I learned what you had done” really got to me! Then I felt all those years that made her stick around and the anger that would come out at the realization. Great job! I had understood from the prompts that the story was supposed to end (not begin) with the decision to snoop, I could see it working that way, too– But I understand you didn’t have much time. Thanks for sharing!

    Like

    • Laissez Faire
      February 6, 2020

      Yeah, I messed up the prompt. But I am happy to know that the apathy and anger did come across even though this story ended up being very rough around the edges. It didn’t come out as I had imagined, but at least some of it worked so that’s something, eh?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. innatejames
    February 6, 2020

    I hope you keep going with this. I’d like to read how Casey fits into the narrator’s broken relationship. The idea that someone in a relationship would interview for the same job as their partner to get it and turn it down is some high level shade.

    Like

    • Laissez Faire
      February 6, 2020

      I don’t know. This story is still muddled in my head. Like I know where I want it to go but can’t seem to figure out quite how to get from A to B without going by way of New Zealand. I am glad though that it at least intrigued enough to pique your interest.

      Like

  4. jemiller125
    February 6, 2020

    I really liked the POV that you used to tell this story. It was unique, and the little banter between Casey and her boss in the beginning was amusing! I was a little confused as to how the original prompt was incorporated into the story though, since the story was supposed to end with the MC deciding to snoop through their partner’s phone or laptop. Other than that, I enjoyed reading it!

    Like

    • Laissez Faire
      February 6, 2020

      I ran out of time and just messed up. I forgot where the prompt was supposed to go in my haste to finish before deadline. Glad you liked Casey 🙂 This story was the culmination of a brain fart that I couldn’t get right. 😮

      Like

      • jemiller125
        February 6, 2020

        That’s quite alright! You were still able to write a story! 😊

        Like

  5. d3athlily
    February 6, 2020

    I know it’s trite, but I really want to see you expand on this. The anger is so apparent in every word of the story, and I appreciated that it had come from a place of apathy, as it often does when relationships are breaking down. I wasn’t quite sure where the prompt came into play, though.

    Like

    • Laissez Faire
      February 6, 2020

      I couldn’t get the story to come out the way I wanted to and then I ran out of time and forgot that the snoop was supposed to go at the end. 😦 In my head it was a souffle’ and it came out like strained peas.

      Like

  6. Jen Mierisch
    February 6, 2020

    I liked this a lot, particularly the pieces with Ben (it’s really nothing… just some chatting and pinball… or is it?). The paragraph about the son really struck me. “Does he know anything about me? I am not sure I remember much about me.” It reminded me of my own identity shifts after becoming a parent… it’s tough to sort out who you are, to reconcile the before and after.

    Like

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This entry was posted on February 5, 2020 by in fiction, writing, Yeah Write and tagged , , , , .

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