What’s Up Doc #4: I Hear Crickets
Hello? Are you there?
Greetings readers and welcome new readers!
It was an Easter Weekend and my oldest brother’s 28th birthday on the same day. I have also been quite ill with some sort of gastrointestinal bug over the last couple of days, and I haven’t had the energy to do much but the essentials of survival and keeping the kids fed.
Really children, how often do you need to eat? You do realize that your ancestors sometimes were lucky to eat once a day. I’d send them out to forage, but these days if you send your children out in the neighborhood to be fed by random neighbors like a generation ago some tool would record it on their phone and call CPS.
To make up for my lapse, I will now give you Too Much Information.
Anyway, I don’t know if it was an illness of the norovirus variety or the food poisoning variety. I do suggest you not Google your symptoms unless you want to feel like you are Doomed. It was a really rough twenty-four hours and anything I ate bypassed processing and went straight to waste removal. For a while I considered duct taping myself to the commode. Thankfully, I didn’t have regurgitation problems except for some nauseating, gag-worthy rotten-egg burps.
However, I am compelled to implore all parents to stop giving babies a hard time when they are fussy when they have sore bums from explosive expulsions and get wiped by baby wipes. I think I speak for all the babies when I say, “That shit burns like hell, people.” Anything but aloe or a plain oil like vitamin E or olive oil also burns like *censored censored censored censored*. Cloth and plain water for goodness sakes! Luckily, I had plenty of cloth wipes left over from my children’s infanthood because after a while even toilet paper felt like razor blades.
Right now I’m in recovery. I know I got a little dehydrated despite my efforts because I am now craving salt and can’t stop thinking about drinking Gatorade. I also ate a notoriously salty soup and felt like it tasted like it had no salt in it. Weird right? Right now I’m sticking to cheap store-bought broth, water, and ginger beer. I have no energy even to make myself my own broth — and that’s not even hard to do. My who body aches from having to run to the facilities constantly, I suspect I had a mild fever last night because I woke up with a post fever sweat, and I’ve developed a cough. I did manage to fill the dishwasher though! I have been able to eat live-culture yogurt and noodles with processing success.
I can’t complain too much though. I’m 41 years old, and by rights I should still be laid up flat. I’m taking another easy day. When Mommy is sick the kids get to eat a lot of sandwiches and watch entirely too much TV. For them, this is probably a holiday extravaganza. Sometimes a mom just has to say, “Just eat the cereal out of the box,” from their bed cocoon.
It’s going to be a lean post week my friends.
5 comments on “What’s Up Doc #4: I Hear Crickets”
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Aspiring writer, wife, mother of two, owner two cats. Teacher, lover of science, books, science fiction, fantasy, and video games.
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Laissez Faire 
feel better soon! I am just in the middle of writing a post about the miracles of apples. Whole, unpeeled for constipation or unsweetened applesauce (no peel) for diarrhea. Worked on my three kids for years!
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I made the mistake of eating a whole apple. Yikes.
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a banana will work too to “bind you up”
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That’s no fun at all. Hope you feel better soon!
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Me too. My head is pounding today!
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