Laissez Faire

Letting Life Lead

Writing on the Fly #6: Silent Promise (A Tritina)

YeahWrite.Me has a new post on the trinita.   Another poem style I have never heard of or done.   I decided to use one of the word groups provided.

Snow_Scene_at_Shipka_Pass_1-197x148

From the first breath silent
and gasping, a promise
made an echo drop.

A tick-tocking time’s drop.
The minute moments ever moving silent
to years pressing promise.

Forever running from the promise
with a sprint, a dodge, then the beats drop
and the heart trembles silent.

Death returns silent — to collect life’s promise — with a breath’s last drop.

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12 comments on “Writing on the Fly #6: Silent Promise (A Tritina)

  1. Polysyllabic Profundities
    December 1, 2015

    I think you did a great job. I’ve never tried one but I may have to give it a go!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      December 1, 2015

      Thank you 🙂 I still feel like something is missing from it.

      Like

  2. Peregrine
    December 2, 2015

    Beautiful…!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. c2avilez
    December 2, 2015

    I love how your word choice changes the cadence throughout the poem.

    I found the tritina to be challenging. I think you did a fantastic job.

    Like

    • Laissez Faire
      December 3, 2015

      Thank you! I tried to make it sound…right…with small adjustments. Punctuation seems extra important, too. I am glad you noticed:)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. ellenbehm
    December 5, 2015

    Well done! The tritina is much harder than it seems like it should be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      December 5, 2015

      I can imagine how hard it would be if it had a specific meter !

      Like

  5. innatejames
    December 6, 2015

    I like how you compacted an entire life into 4 stanzas. It took me a bit to relate “the beats drop” to the heart in the next line. That phrase has really strong music connotations for me, apparently. But the death you describe in that stanza is fragile and elegant.

    Like

    • Laissez Faire
      December 6, 2015

      Thank you! My intial eraction to beat is the heart…I am a science lover…biology in particular. But I am glad that you noticed the connection I tried to make with heart and the beat/music of life.

      Like

    • Laissez Faire
      December 6, 2015

      Oh, I also chose tremble because it is so close in sound to treble!

      Like

  6. wheremabelgo
    December 8, 2015

    Reblogged this on wheremabelgo and commented:
    Life and death come together. From ashes we rise, to the dust we go.

    Like

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This entry was posted on December 1, 2015 by in poems, writing, Yeah Write and tagged , , , , , .

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