Yeah Write #84: Forward Unto Tomorrow ( #amwriting #microstory )
Fly west comrades.
Follow horizon’s light away from the inferno’s red eye and choking clouds. Forget the fallen; let go; hold on. One step, two, a league — each stride ever more leaden.
Let sorrow drip as on a tapered candle.
24 comments on “Yeah Write #84: Forward Unto Tomorrow ( #amwriting #microstory )”
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Aspiring writer, wife, mother of two, owner two cats. Teacher, lover of science, books, science fiction, fantasy, and video games.
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Laissez Faire 
I love all the imperative sentences at the start. I especially love that the first three all begin with f words (but not THAT f word).
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I don’t think I’ve every done a microfiction of this type before. I wondered if someone would notice the F alliteration. fire and crackling… š
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That last line! ā¤
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It’s got a tiny bump, but I think I stared with the last line and worked my way back š
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Oh! This line: “One step, two, a league ā each stride ever more leaden.” It’s so visceral.
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I rewrote it a few times to get the right sound and feel with the fewest words possible. Glad you liked it
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I loved “Let sorrow drip as on a tapered candle.”
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Wrote that line firsts š
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I loved the line “Let sorrow drip as on a tapered candle” too. This was beautiful!
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Each line is precious. Such a clever use of the prompt.
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I enjoyed writing this one a lot. I usually struggle with microfiction
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I like the conflict in the directive to “let go; hold on.”
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Glad you lied it. I worked on that middle part the longest
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Nice simile to end on. I appreciate the commanding tone and the novel approach to the prompt. Not sure about the use of “comrades” because of its connotations. I guess I would need to know more about your intention to see if it worked.
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I thought about that with “comrades”. But friends didn’t seem right. Citizens. No. Fellows? Maybe, but it didn’t seem strong enough and didn’t have enough…impact to show the strength of the people. They are family/friends/soldiers/citizens/one people used to rebuilding.
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I like your use of the prompt here.
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Thanks. I enjoyed writing it. And for once, it wasn’t too hard.
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Whoa, you so nailed the prompt. I read and it wasn’t until the end that I realised I was looking for light one candle. You did that so well!
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I’m glad you liked it! Microfiction is so hard. But I liked the destruction and uncertain hope I managed to get in there.
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Lovely, strong imagery here. The rhythm of “Forget the fallen; let go; hold on.” is positively delicious. The last line didn’t do it for me – I was caught trying to figure out what you were dripping on a candle before I got to the image you were trying to convey. I might have written “as _from_ a tapered candle,” maybe, or “as if from a taper.”
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I kept going back and forth trying different words. I still hadn’t made up my mind entirely š Glad you enjoyed it. The Forget the follen — was a punctuation nightmare. Dashes? No. Full stops? No. Dash and full stop? No… LOL
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I feel like I’m on a sad forced-march to an uncertain fate after reading this piece. Very heavy (and I mean that in a good way. Great atmosphere.)
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Thank you š
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Great take on the prompt. Thanks so much for sharing.
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