Laissez Faire

Letting Life Lead

Yeah Write #84: Forward Unto Tomorrow ( #amwriting #microstory )


Fly west comrades.

Follow horizon’s light away from the inferno’s red eye and choking clouds. Forget the fallen; let go; hold on. One step, two, a league — each stride ever more leaden.

Let sorrow drip as on a tapered candle.

 


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24 comments on “Yeah Write #84: Forward Unto Tomorrow ( #amwriting #microstory )

  1. Cyn K
    December 6, 2017

    I love all the imperative sentences at the start. I especially love that the first three all begin with f words (but not THAT f word).

    Liked by 2 people

    • Laissez Faire
      December 14, 2017

      I don’t think I’ve every done a microfiction of this type before. I wondered if someone would notice the F alliteration. fire and crackling… šŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lisa Shaw
    December 6, 2017

    That last line! ā¤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      December 14, 2017

      It’s got a tiny bump, but I think I stared with the last line and worked my way back šŸ˜›

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Asha Rajan
    December 6, 2017

    Oh! This line: “One step, two, a league ā€” each stride ever more leaden.” It’s so visceral.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      December 14, 2017

      I rewrote it a few times to get the right sound and feel with the fewest words possible. Glad you liked it

      Liked by 1 person

  4. unfoldingfromthefog
    December 6, 2017

    I loved “Let sorrow drip as on a tapered candle.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Uma Chellappa
    December 7, 2017

    I loved the line “Let sorrow drip as on a tapered candle” too. This was beautiful!

    Like

  6. anusrini20
    December 7, 2017

    Each line is precious. Such a clever use of the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      December 14, 2017

      I enjoyed writing this one a lot. I usually struggle with microfiction

      Like

  7. iasoupmama
    December 7, 2017

    I like the conflict in the directive to “let go; hold on.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. innatejames
    December 7, 2017

    Nice simile to end on. I appreciate the commanding tone and the novel approach to the prompt. Not sure about the use of “comrades” because of its connotations. I guess I would need to know more about your intention to see if it worked.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      December 14, 2017

      I thought about that with “comrades”. But friends didn’t seem right. Citizens. No. Fellows? Maybe, but it didn’t seem strong enough and didn’t have enough…impact to show the strength of the people. They are family/friends/soldiers/citizens/one people used to rebuilding.

      Like

  9. michellelongo
    December 7, 2017

    I like your use of the prompt here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      December 14, 2017

      Thanks. I enjoyed writing it. And for once, it wasn’t too hard.

      Like

  10. d3athlily
    December 7, 2017

    Whoa, you so nailed the prompt. I read and it wasn’t until the end that I realised I was looking for light one candle. You did that so well!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      December 14, 2017

      I’m glad you liked it! Microfiction is so hard. But I liked the destruction and uncertain hope I managed to get in there.

      Like

  11. Christine
    December 7, 2017

    Lovely, strong imagery here. The rhythm of “Forget the fallen; let go; hold on.” is positively delicious. The last line didn’t do it for me – I was caught trying to figure out what you were dripping on a candle before I got to the image you were trying to convey. I might have written “as _from_ a tapered candle,” maybe, or “as if from a taper.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      December 14, 2017

      I kept going back and forth trying different words. I still hadn’t made up my mind entirely šŸ™‚ Glad you enjoyed it. The Forget the follen — was a punctuation nightmare. Dashes? No. Full stops? No. Dash and full stop? No… LOL

      Like

  12. Robin
    December 7, 2017

    I feel like I’m on a sad forced-march to an uncertain fate after reading this piece. Very heavy (and I mean that in a good way. Great atmosphere.)

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Donna-Louise Bishop
    December 11, 2017

    Great take on the prompt. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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This entry was posted on December 6, 2017 by in fantasy, fiction, writing, Yeah Write and tagged , , , , , .

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