Laissez Faire

Letting Life Lead

Yeah Write #103: Palpitation ( #amwriting #flashfiction #poetry)

Click for source.
Phantom fingers slide and gooseflesh rises
As static hairs stand stiff — sizzling in sync.
Limbs quiver, lips stick; a whimper reprises.
Pulse quickens, mouth dry, panic on a brink.
It scrapes, clicks, and hisses promises dark.
Tonight it slides and slithers inside out.
Abaddon comes to bind blood’s watermark.
Tonight the last midnight beckons all dread.
Ink red bleeds paper skin; claws shred sinew.
Oh, hide not in the wardrobe or abed.
Never to rest or to die from pains anew.

 

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14 comments on “Yeah Write #103: Palpitation ( #amwriting #flashfiction #poetry)

  1. The Writer
    March 15, 2018

    I’m standing up right now clapping because this was that good! I knew from the first line that it was going to be. What a great way to start it off.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      March 15, 2018

      Oh, yeah! So happy you enjoyed it. I find poetry extremely difficult to write and I tend to fall into a rhyme and fixed number of syllabus which probably makes it more painful than it needs to be. 😮 I do love horror though, so if that came through I’m happy. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Asha Rajan
    March 15, 2018

    Lovely job incorporating both prompts into this acrostic! I did have some difficulty with the line “It scrapes, clicks, and hisses promises dark.” It reads a little awkwardly — it feels like it’s either missing an apostrophe and an ‘s’ (on ‘It’), or missing a comma after ‘hisses’. You had some wonderful turns of phrase though: “a whimper reprise” was especially good.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Asha Rajan
      March 15, 2018

      *reprises

      Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      March 15, 2018

      Thanks Asha. It /had/ been dark promises, but wouldn’t you know I couldn’t find anything to rhyme with promises. Why did I rhyme? I have no earthly idea, but once I started I couldn’t not do it. So I took a poet’s liberty and put the adjective after the noun. 😮 “hisses a dark promise” became “hisses promises dark” maybe a comma could help the sound “hisses promises, dark”. Commas and I fued a lot so it’s an iffy thing. 🙂 I thought I would challenge myself with getting the prompts to work with a poem. I’m glad it didn’t crash and burn. “whimper reprises” btw was the first line I wrote 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Asha Rajan
        March 15, 2018

        Ah! This makes so much sense and now that you’ve written it out, I see it. You’re right, the comma would have made all the difference, but I do appreciate the tense detente between you and commas.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Laissez Faire
        March 15, 2018

        And I finally learned how to pronounce detente. LOL What did I do before Internet? I pronounced cool words wrong.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Asha Rajan
        March 21, 2018

        Hahaha ask my about “awry” and how I pronounced it till I was 25 and set right by a friend!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Laissez Faire
        March 21, 2018

        😀

        Like

  3. MM Schreier
    March 15, 2018

    Oh my! I really enjoyed this.

    “Ink red” is an amazing image particularly combined with the paper skin, but the word order tripped me up a little. (I know you had to get the I in there first though)

    I love the line: Abaddon comes to bind blood’s watermark.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      March 15, 2018

      I did take some liberties to make the beat work. I loved all the b’s in the Abaddon line. It sounded like the thud of a heart ready to be crushed in the hand of the angel of death…muahahahahaha!

      Like

  4. MichelleH
    March 15, 2018

    This almost read like a witch’s curse, which was fun and super creepy. I also stumbled a bit on the “Ink red” order, but I also kind of loved that line the most at the same time. That could be because I read horror like I watch it…through my fingers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laissez Faire
      March 15, 2018

      I did struggled with those lines. I don’t generally write poetry and I always have a part where I struggle to keep the beat to a mind-aching frustration and the desire to get the imagery I want. It /almost/ sounds right. Gah. Don’t know why I felt compelled to rhyme and have syllables. Self torture fitting for the genre I suppose 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  5. innatejames
    March 16, 2018

    There’s some good and gritty imagery here. I especially liked “claws shred sinew.” The word play of “Lips stick” is clever, but it might be introducing an image that doesn’t necessarily relate to the tone of the poem.

    Like

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