Laissez Faire

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Yeah Write #48: Cold ( #flashfiction )

Surf's Up

The sky is scarlet
blinding on white ice
casting shadows on the sparrow.

Feathers plume on the sparrow.
The holly, with berries scarlet,
shimmers under ice.

Warmth compels the ice
to drip upon the sparrow,
and the sun beams scarlet.

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8 comments on “Yeah Write #48: Cold ( #flashfiction )

  1. WovenEclipse
    December 14, 2016

    Gorgeous poem! The imagery is beautiful 🙂

    Like

  2. Donna-Louise Bishop
    December 15, 2016

    I loved the imagery of the first stanza, especially. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Like

  3. Christine
    December 15, 2016

    Lovely job! It feels almost like three interconnected haikus. I know the tritina form is new to you, so I thought I’d mention that there ought to be a single, concluding line that includes the three words in order 1, 2, 3. If you want to learn more, check out Rowan’s tritina tutorial: http://yeahwrite.me/writing-help-tritina/

    Like

    • Laissez Faire
      December 15, 2016

      Dang, I totally missed that in my haste. I’ll add one more line when voting is done to finish it. Thanks for the heads up.

      Like

  4. Anonymous
    December 15, 2016

    Lovely imagery!

    Like

  5. saroful
    December 16, 2016

    Keeping the length of your lines similar really helps the reader focus on the transition of imagery in the poem, from cold to warm – the whole thing reads like three drops of water falling from an icicle.

    Like

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This entry was posted on December 14, 2016 by in poems, writing, Yeah Write and tagged , , , , , , , .

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