Letting Life Lead
I am not the sort of person who makes New Year’s resolutions. I have affinity for the lazy and for procrastination and spontaneous bursts of interests. I’m terrible at making long term plans, but when something is short term I do have incredible focus — if I’m interested. I have made a decision this year of trying to tell myself “yes” more often. If you can tell from my blog posts lately, I have been writing a lot more fiction. I can’t tell you how incredible it has felt to be able to sit down with a prompt and just lose myself in my brains. I felt so discouraged last year, and now I wrote a story today and felt a strut coming on.
Something else though has caught my attentions. It’s not another mad craft — but the problem I have been having with my caboose. It’s been a growing problem, and it’s time to tell myself, “Yes, you can stop eating crap and keep your mouth closed.” I exited this year’s holiday frenzy quite horrified at the scale which has been doing the creep for months. The water weight I put on over the holidays sent me into a spiraling, “Fuck!” moment when I realized I am one pound lighter than my last pregnancy. And at least twelve pounds of that weight was baby and fluid. I had to buy two new pairs of pants and I can’t fit into my ski pants.
Oh, hell no.
I need my ski pants! I suffer in the winter and there is no way I can survive saying “yes” to my children to go out and play in the snow if I am frozen and miserable. I decided to do what I did when I was 25 and just say yes to good food, and no to Swedish fish, and Pringles, and cookies, and pie, and peanut butter cups, and sweet tea, and too much bread, and caffeine, and… You get the picture. I was living on my own for the first time and was cooking all for myself. I was in graduate school, too. I didn’t follow any sort of diet plan, but I did quintuple my vegetable options and diet variety. I ate things I never ate before. I tried every bean, fruit, root, and leaf I could afford at the grocery store. I dropped the college pudge like crazy. It wasn’t hard to even go vegetarian and occasionally an accidental vegan. Unfortunately, too much weight came off. I ended up at 108 pounds at my lightest. At 5’8″ tall with a small frame I didn’t feel comfortable being that thin in my own body. On one hand I could buy really cheap clothes and could fit into anything I wanted, on the other hand it didn’t feel right for me even though I was quite healthy. When I moved to a new city, I joined a gym and worked hard to put the weight back on, and had to add fish back to my diet so that I didn’t have to eat constantly to maintain weight. I got to a very stable 125-130 pounds which was within a healthy range for my frame.
All was good and then I met my future husband and put on a happy 10 pounds (still within my range and I was till going to the gym). We moved in together and I got a license and a car — this meant I stopped walking everywhere. Another five pounds. I started the couch25k program to make up for my lack of walking and my weight became stable again. I was within a healthy range. We got married and I put on another ten pounds after a pregnancy and an extremely early miscarriage which sent my body into a hormone tailspin and I stopped exercising…but kept eating. I was 155 when I got pregnant with my daughter. I was that same weight my whole pregnancy until the end as I put on baby weight, but lost an equal amount of weight I already had on. In my ninth month of pregnancy I gave up vegetarianism and answered the call of pregnancy cravings. When she was born I was 165 and I stayed 155 until I got pregnant 18 months later with my son. With my son I got up to 188 pounds and after his birth dropped down to 170 pounds. I would go up and down five pounds, but my body just held on to that weight even when breastfeeding two. My diet was all over the place.
I then put on Mom pounds. These are the pounds you put on because of stress, the caffeine you drink so you can go to work, and the leftovers you end up eating because the kids didn’t finish. You give them all the good stuff and tend to eat the crap. Your once healthy grazing becomes more like a vulture cleaning up a buffet of carcasses. And one morning I stood on the scale and almost fainted. Suddenly, my issues with indigestion (requiring tums which I have never taken in my life) and another problem that the Activia adds talk about, came into sharp focus. I was bloated and gassy without having eaten anything.
I went right to the kitchen and made a giant pot of vegetable soup. I didn’t care about the kids complaining that it wasn’t their favorite. That’s what’s for dinner. My plan is to reset my system with a mini-soup fast just to get matters under control. The kids still get their healthy options as usual, and I adjust my plate. The first step is to lose this excessive water weight and get my digestion working properly so I’m not chewing antacids and thinking about calling Jamie Lee Curtis.
So far my plan has stopped my roaming hands from picking up those gummy lobsters and popping them in my mouth, and has given me a wicked sugar headache on day three. I will fit back into those ski pants — and it counts if I get them on unzipped!
writing, traveling, and tap dancing around town.
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